Those who have recently purchased a property in a city will know how expensive land values have become! ‘There’s so little developed space available’ would be the agent’s typical answer when we fret and frown over the rates! But we all know how important space is! And then, why not understand, realize and accept in it relations too?!!
I find it quite ridiculous when a friend tells me she has to ‘Get Permission‘ from her husband to go out and meet a friend! Come one, I hope the husband also ‘Takes Permission‘ to meet his friends then, which I know rarely happens!
This space is very important in healthy relationships. Whether you are husband and wife, friends or lovers, you need to understand that the other person is also as humane and independent as you are. So let him / her be.
I don’t want to be a feminist and tell that only women face this issue! Even men have to face this which is also equally ridiculous. Love is based on trust and if you don’t trust your partner, there’s no love at all! Give some space and get some for yourself too. It will make your bond stronger.
But I do agree that both should inform each other where they are going and be available to attend calls in case of an emergency. This is equally important on both sides. If the wife goes out without informing the husband, he has all the rights to get concerned. But the rule applies equally to the husbands too.
I believe this issue is seen more in India and some other Asian countries only! I don’t know, I may be wrong! But the worst part is when our children start following this too. I have heard my friends proudly say, ‘My son won’t let me go out without wearing a dupatta!’ Why should he bother what you wear? I hope the moms (and dads too) will immediately correct this with their children. Let them like or dislike what you wear and just stop at that! Let them express their opinion on what you wear and what you do, but making sure that you do it their way is way too much. Especially, when they are old enough to take independent decisions and they love their freedom so dearly!
That’s the space you have to give yourself. Listen to what others say but decide on what you do, at least on such basic things as what you wear and going out with friends!
Now if you thought I am writing because I have faced it, You Are Absolutely Wrong! 😀 We only inform each other where we go and with whom we are hanging out. Neither I take his permission nor he takes mine. That was never the case with us anyway, ever since we have known each other! And mind you, that’s a long time (say about 20 years) and a longer story!
My husband complains that when he goes for shoot (he’s a model) I never call him up. I respect his official time and try not to disturb. In case there’s any message to pass, I just ping him. WhatsApp him when I want to know whether he has checked it or not! 🙂 I keep the concern part to myself rather than bother him during his work or while he’s with his friends. He respects that and tries his maximum not to call me up while I am out with my friends. But invariably I will get a checking call to make sure things are fine and that I am having fun 😀 That’s fine, I know he’s just anxious!
All the Indian husbands and wives, please give your spouse some space to move around! Let them hang out with their friends for a while, but make sure you know where they are 😀 .. Not to spoil the fun, but to contact in case of an emergency. And that too strictly in case of a real emergency 😀
You husband / wife is your better half, but that does not mean they get the better part of your life! Give some space and get yours too. It is very important not only for us, but for the children to understand too. Otherwise, they will also think that Permissions are required in a relationship to move around which is no fun at all. Let them understand that it is more important to discuss than to take permission within a healthy relationship. It can make your life much easier, for you and for them too!
And it’s true for opinions too. The husband and the wife are different individuals, born and brought up under different circumstances and family set ups. So they may think differently and have different opinions on the same matters too. It is bound to be like that! Discuss your opinions but do not insist on a change. It can be the most disastrous demand ever in a relationship. Coming to a consensus amicably is different, but forcing one’s opinion on the other based on any ground will not make you any better.